


Hey Shitass, Wanna See Me Speedrun?

by Fateweaver



Series: Glitched Parents [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dream and Shitass friendship, Gen, How Do I Tag, hey shitass wanna see me speedrun, no beta we die like manberg, shitass got himself a speedrun buddy, speedrun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fateweaver/pseuds/Fateweaver
Summary: “Hey Shitass, wanna see me speedrun?” A laugh tore itself out of the man’s lips. He wore a green hoodie and a white mask with a smile etched on it resting on his face. He had heard tales of the being calling himself “Shitass” being ridiculously good at speedrunning and other specialities. Unfortunately (Or fortunately, depending on your perspective) for Shitass, Dream was one of the best speedrunners in the land.(Shitass and Dream friendship and bonding over speedrun POG)
Relationships: Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF) & Shitass (Minecraft), No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: Glitched Parents [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016670
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Hey Shitass, Wanna See Me Speedrun?

**Author's Note:**

> There are three realms concerned: Cyberspace, Minecraft the Game, and Minecraftia.
> 
> Cyberspace is basically the Internet. You can access most anywhere just by travelling through it. One downside: It’s hugely chaotic and dangerous to traverse.
> 
> Minecraft the Game is literally just a videogame. Minecraft Legends haunts its codes and invades worlds once in a while, since being made out of code themselves, but they hang around Minecraftia most of the time.
> 
> Minecraftia is real life Minecraft. With real life mechanics, and MCYT personas as humans/Minecraftians there. Quite a few creepypastas noted that, but didn’t say anything, assuming it’s something to do with Cyberspace.
> 
> (This fic takes place in Minecraftia)

“Hey Shitass, wanna see me speedrun?” Dream whistled, taunting the newly shown creepypasta. Well, Shitass can’t exactly be called a creepypasta. A new…… Entity. That sounded more appropriate.

The reason why Dream was taunting such a being? First: He was skeptical about his existence. Second: He wanted someone to race him in speedrunning in a situation that isn’t Manhunt.

“You called?” A voice sounded from behind Dream. He turned, eyes wide underneath his mask. He didn’t actually expect Shitass to show up, or be real, for the matter. Although Shitass’s antics are harder to explain away than say, Herobrine’s.

“Didn’t believe that I existed?” Shitass smirked. His voice sounded younger than Dream had expected. He sounded around 16, but his voice was laced with the threatening undertone that made Dream inclined to believe that Shitass was older than what he sounded like.

“Are you going to speedrun against me or what?” Dream taunted. Shitass laughed.

“I like your guts,” Shitass gave Dream a mock salute before dashing off to the nearest tree, the green speedrunner doing the same. An adrenaline and thrill ran through Dream. This is an actual competition with an actual speedrunner. There were no rules laid down before they began, although Dream had a gut feeling that Shitass will fight fair this time.

\---

Shitass glanced around in the End. He was surprised that the “Dream” player caught up so quickly. That’s some serious skills required to be able to do that right there. Unfortunately, the crystals were all destroyed and Jean was on low health by the time Dream managed to get through.

“Sorry, Aunt Jean!” Shitass called up at the dragon as he placed down several TNT, lighting them all up and jumping aside. There was enough to kill Jean, temporarily of course.

_ Shitass you are very lucky your Father is Herobrine-  _ Jean’s voice rang in his head. He was surprised when Dream tossed an Ender Pearl forward, pouring out a bucket of water, negating most damage done by the TNT. Jean’s health is reduced, but she’s not dead yet.

_ That’s some impressive reflexes,  _ Shitass noted, impressed.  _ If he just arrived before me he might’ve won. He obviously didn’t practice as much as some of the other veterans Speedrunners, being young. That man’s a natural. _

“That’s some quick reflexes!” Shitass casually threw out that compliment. Dream stopped, shooting Shitass a look of slight confusion. Something clicked.

_ Ah, he thinks I’m like the others having a prideful reputation.  _ Shitass chuckled on the inside,  _ Man, us creepypastas are too generalized. Gotta switch that rep up. _

Shitass grabbed a loaded crossbow and shot at Jean, hitting her in the eye. She roared as she flapped up into the sky, body crackling with light emitting in all directions. He walked up towards Dream, hands outstretched.

“That was fun,” Shitass grinned, “Nobody else except for maybe Null managed to even get to the End when I’m speedrunning. You’re really good. And how old are you? I’ve seen veteran speedrunners so much worse than you.”

“Ha, you too,” Dream chuckled, shaking Shitass’s hands, “I didn’t think you existed, no offense.”

“None taken,” Shitass replied, grin still wide on his face, “You know, I think we both can get something out of each other if we continue hanging out. It won’t be the first time one of us latched onto a Minecraftian.”

“Why not?” 

\---

“Oh look, he took after his pops Hero,” Brineary sat next to Herobrine, cigarette in his mouth, “Getting attached to little Minecraftians.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t have a huge crush on that Queen couple hundred years ago,” Herobrine retorted. Brineary clutched his heart in mock hurt.

“That bitch was so rude,” Brineary huffed, “Doesn’t know what’s good for her. I’m glad she’s gone now.”

“The King really hated your guts after that,” Herobrine shrugged, “She is kind of racist against us creepypastas though. Not my type. I didn’t know what you saw in her except her looks. If that’s all you’re after, Brineary, you’re shallow as fuck man.”

“Just shut up Hero, please.”

Laughter could be heard from the perch the two men were staying on.

\---

“You beat me!” Shitass’s grin was wide as he gave Dream a thumbs up, “That clutch play though! You’re lucky the horse didn’t just fling you off and that its back didn’ break.”

“I know what I’m doing next to throw the guys off in my next manhunt,” Dream’s grin was as wide as Shitass’s, “When are you going to join one?”

“Nah,” Shitass waved the question off, “We don’t associate too much with Minecraftians. Plus, I don’t feel like talking with people who don’t even believe in our existence. And Dad just recently figured out his fling from a couple decades ago actually produced a half-pasta half-Minecraftian child and is trying to fix things so there’s that.”

“Your family is complicated,” Dream commented. 

“Bet yours will be even worse as you expand it,” Shitass snorted, “I won’t be surprised if you end up with a child, not knowing who the Father or Mother is. Nether, I won’t even be surprised if you’re the one who’s pregnant.”

“ _ What?! _ ”

“Minecraftian genetics are weird.”


End file.
